Mixed emotions

The past couple of days at the shelter have been extremely stressful and emotional. Last week one of the horses here, Cass, gave birth to her foal, Rocky. However it became apparent soon after he was born that something wasn't right. His front legs were bent strangely and he couldn't stand at all. He was rushed to the vets where his legs were bandaged and he was given medication and shots to combat the problem. As he couldn't stand to drink we had to milk Cass and bottle feed Rocky. However it was extremely difficult and he wasn't getting enough milk to sustain himself. He passed away today (Monday June 16th).

To make things even worse, one of the bears, Fisher, has become gravely ill. We brought him back down to the hospital to monitor him and took him to the vets to have tests done. We are still waiting for the results, but he is eating so there is still hope, even if he very weak right now, he hasn't given up yet.

In my last post I told you about the moose we got from Prince George that had a large hernia. We decided to give surgery a go, seeing as her chances of survival without it were zero, she would have died and we wanted to do everything we could to prevent that. Miraculously she woke up from the surgery and recovered from the sedation very well. However not long after she started refusing milk and it all went downhill. Sadly she also passed away at around 10am this morning. During the last few hours we spent with her, we decided to name her Trooper after her fighting spirit.

Honestly, I have spent most of the past day crying. I was bottle feeding Trooper every three hours. Even during the night, waking up and midnight, 3am and again at 6am to ensure she never went hungry. Sometimes it was a struggle and sometimes she happily drank. I spent a lot of time just sitting with her, playing with her and trying to help with that feeling of loneliness that many orphaned animals have to deal with. For the five days I cared for Trooper I became very attached and it has been extremely hard to let her go.

There is a quote, from a show called Code Geass, which articulates that if happiness were to resemble a physical object it would be that of glass as it is often all around you, yet invisible, you merely have to change your perspective a little to see it. I often find myself thinking about this quote and the truth behind it. I also find myself thinking similarly in terms of other emotions and given my current situation I propose that if happiness resembles glass then sadness must resemble the bricks surrounding that glass in a window. Without those bricks the glass could not stay supported - It is the sadness in life that brings meaning to the happy times and never have I seen this more in losing an animal that I was caring for.With the terrible sadness I felt upon learning that Trooper didn't survive I am able to value the fact that the other animals did. We have already released nine bears, two foxes, two owls and a hawk back into the wild. We have more bears, a deer, a hare, a goose and a whole bunch of ducks that have a great chance of being released within the next year and continue their lives where they should be - In the wild.

I apologise for getting sentimental and for writing such a depressing post, but it's not really in my capacity to write about much else at the moment. I hope that normal service will resume next time, but for now all that's left to say is rest in peace, Trooper and Rocky.